Engerland!
Germany.
Forget those over-paid flops in South Africa; never mind the debates about technology and disallowed goals. There was only one game that mattered on Sunday afternoon; that was the Silly Army Giant Football World Cup.
Mimi invented the game and came pre-prepared with a bag of papers with England or Germany written on them to ensure entirely random team selection.
Pete Couch on the ball for Engerland.
Kicking off at the same time as that other England-Germany game, the teams limbered up to play football with a giant abs ball bearing the title of a Dead Kennedys song, I Kill Children. No children were harmed during the first half, but the Germans’ spirits were quickly dented as England took the lead. Because of the size of the ball compared with the size of the nets, there were no keepers, meaning both teams had to play defensively.
The Germans equalised, before a neat move by Pete Couch was chipped in by Kayene Rooney to make it 2-1 to England. Germany equalised once more but Emile Stephski made it 3-2 before the break.
After traditional half-time refreshments of tea, lemon cake and chocolate, the ball was switched for a volleyball and keepers were introduced.
Five minutes into the game, Pete Couch was nominated to switch sides and become a German. However, Pete Mertesacker had little luck on the other side, and England had the advantage for most of the game.
C'mon Engerland!
Emile Stephski was on fire while Terminator Schweinsteiger plugged away for Germany and was rewarded with a goal. However, despite being a player down for the majority of this half, England were the better team and won the game 5-3. Stephski was named man of the match and raised the prized World Cup. We’re all expecting our call-ups to the other England squad in the very near future…
Silly Football gave us a real runaround, but for the rest of the afternoon the Silly Army played gentler games as they sweltered in exceptional temperatures. King’s Park was bathed in glorious sunlight and though we set up the pitch for hockey, we quickly decided it was too hot to play it.
After quite a lot of sitting around feeling a little lethargic (Terminator, Helen, Kathy and Pete were feeling the effects of spending a whole day playing at Dubnium the previous day) we played some net games.
Emile Stephski lifts the Silly World Cup for Engerland.
Careful volleyball was up first, similar to careful tennis, you lost a life every time you knocked the ball out. Pete is clearly the lucky charm in this game as his team won both times, despite mixing the sides up. This despite an interesting technique of catching the ball rather than volleying it… Kathy, meanwhile, attributed a slight improvement in technique to imagining the wall was someone who had pissed her off before whacking it (naming no names).
Grunting was a winning technique for Big Tennis. This is a game in which Terminator in particular excels and his team were wieners.
There was just time for a spot of knock-about badminton before the 3pm kick-off of World Cup football.
Big tennis - big balls, high net, lots of grunting.
After football there was more tea, before playing Kubb. Consulting the rules this time, we discovered not just how to spell it but also how it should be played so it didn’t go on forever.
This is a game of strategic and precision tossing, not of monkeys for once but of blocks and sticks of wood. Kathy eliminated her own team by knocking over the team in the first round, but made up for it in the second with some sticks on target.
A few of us were man enough to brave the heat for sticky ball, bibbed players taking on the non-bibbed. However, a three a side game on the hottest day of the year proved too much for the non-bibbed team of Alan, Pete and Kathy, and the bibbed brigade of Steph, Karen and Terminator duly wiped the floor with them.
Playing kubb in the sun.
There was time for some more net games as the Sillies played on into the evening. A great day of silliness was had by all, and it was one that none of us wanted to end.
The Silly Army is a Bournemouth sports club that meets every Sunday and Wednesday in King’s Park. Come along and join us!
Silly Army 