Rain fails to stop play at Silly Army

Despite the torrential downpour at noon on Sunday, The Silly Army carried on regardless for their weekly games session in King’s Park. It takes more than a spot of rain to stop the Sillies, and noble trooper Silly Dave even dragged himself from his sick bed to join in the games, along with the formalities of the Silly Army EGM to reorganise the committee (a crueler person might say the committee was never very organised in the first place!)

Though initially it was just Dave and K in the park contemplating the rain clouds, they were soon joined by Pete and the trailler of toys – always useful when having a games session. Steph was next to brave the weather and we set about setting up the pitches.

Many had been in doubt that games would run because of the weather, but Pete mocked their lack of faith that the gods would shine the sun on the Silly Army, and rightly so as no sooner had we set the pitches up the sun came out.

The ground was somewhat sodden, and someone or another had decided to set up the volleyball net next to a large puddle of mud, which proved a formidable challenge for any players on that side of the net as they tried to avoid falling in it. Luckily, they all succeeded, although the ball was not so fortunate and was soon a truly sticky ball.

Greg proved something of a one-man machine at Big Tennis, throwing himself all over the court and skillfully avoiding landing in the mud. Meanwhile, K proved she should probably stick to playing with her left hand…

When enough players arrived, we took to a slightly less muddy pitch for Hockey. The ground was still rather slippery and almost everyone ended up falling over, some several times. This was a tough match with only nine players, and Jez soon became the most coveted player on the pitch as he swapped from red to yellow and back again.

In the end it was the red team who won 5-4.

Next up was Sticky Ball, where the damp conditions again caused havoc as some of the balls refused to stick. Because there were so few players we opted for the passing version of the game that Greg had dreamt up – all players on a team had to touch the ball before an attempt could be made at scoring. With an extra player and better marking, the yellow team were easy winners, two matches to nil.

We stopped for tea and held the EGM to elect the committee to their new positions. Dave was elected Chairman, Pete Treasurer and K Secretary and Press/Publicity Officer. Official business over, we could then get on with the important matter of drinking tea.

After tea and Suggestive Biscuits, we opted for another running game and played Double Hoop Netball. Scoring proved challenging for both teams, although again Jez was the star player. The blue team proved better at marking and tactics and went on to win a comfortable victory.

We played Splat, before another couple of games of Big Tennis – in which the combination of Pete, K and Terminator proved no match for Paul and Jez. When the net collapsed we decided it was time to pack up early – unfortunately for Robert who turned up just as we were getting ready to leave.

Wednesday night saw the first indoor games session of the winter, at the YMCA in Bournemouth. Despite initial worries that we wouldn’t have many players, turnout was excellent and we played a range of net games, including Bouncing Volleyball, SurReal Tennis and Frisbee Toss.

Several balls and frisbees were temporarily lost to the balcony, while new player Dean was almost lost out of the fire exit when he fell over backwards.

A game of Netball got everybody hot and sweaty with lots of running around. Both teams were evenly matched and it was the green team who were the first to ten points.

Schoonball, a terrifically scary form of Dodgeball using plastic racquets to defend yourself from a deluge incoming balls, was the last game of the night and was an exhilarating way to end the evening.

Thanks to everyone who came to Wednesday games; we’re going to make it a weekly occurrence.

The Silly Army will be meeting this Sunday from 1pm in King’s Park. Check out our website for more details.

Silly Army: Return of the Machine (and Cladwhacking)

It was an historic day indeed for The Silly Army last Sunday as we saw the return of two top players who’d been missing for some weeks. Helen, aka the Score Machine, had recovered enough from her Volleyball injury to rejoin the troops for some games, and it just so happened she turned up in the middle of her specialist game, StickyBall.

Two machines: one game - StickyBall.

We also welcomed back Ras, who had been out of the country for the last month. Dodgeball just isn’t the same without his hopping, skipping and impossible dodging. It was also great to see Tori, Viv and Rob, some of our newest recruits, back for some more punishment fun; even better they had brought more new members with them.

This was probably just as well as some of the longer serving members were flagging. Barry was somewhat worse for wear after a day and night on the lager, while Chris was feeling so poorly he barely played at all. The Silly Flu also seemed to be plaguing some of the members, with K and Dave coughing and spluttering their way through the afternoon.

As is the way these days, we began with Big Tennis. The wind is certainly an advantage, or disadvantage depending on what side of the net you’re standing on, in our new court – as is the fact Pete can’t lay out an even sized court if you gave him a measuring tape. One side is always bigger than the other.

Terminator suggested swapping ends of the pitch halfway through, which certainly helped even out the scoring, but for the second week in a row we ended on one game each.

Big Tennis is The Silly Army's most popular game.

With fresh legs arriving we played Hockey, and snot-nosed K was given a real workout in the red goal. The yellow team were by far the stronger on paper, but the reds battled hard, Mike, Greg and Pete proving nifty players despite Greg being repeatedly de-sticked. Terminator, Ras and Steph were on fire for the yellows, however, and despite a valiant battle by the reds it was the yellows who won the match.

After some Dodgeball it was time for StickyBall, and the game had just got underway when the Machine turned up to lend her talents to the blue team. The fact half the blues were distracted by chatting while the yellows scored three goals in succession didn’t help the blue campaign, and the yellows seized the game quickly.

It was time for a very special tea and cake break as Mrs Doyle’s tea shop was this week accompanied by Dave’s Fantastic Bakery – a chocolate cake whipped up for Karl and Richard’s birthdays. We also had some vegan cupcakes from Mrs Doyle, so it was a very full Silly Army that took to the pitch to play CombiBall when tea break was over.

A belly full of tea and cake does not particularly complement running around chasing balls, and the greedy bunch on the blue team were soon feeling the effects of their halftime binge, the yellows with super-scoring Ras and Dave going quickly ahead.

However, the blues began to fight back with some great shooting by the Machine and impressive football goals from K and newbie Emma. The most impressive goal of the day has to be shared, however: Jez managed to boot the ball all the way from his own half into the open goal. Moments later, proving that anything a man can do a girl can do better, Steph did the same from further up the pitch. The blues were back in the game.

Sadly, despite these super shots, it was not enough to outsmart the yellow team, who won comfortably with a high goal.

How to play Tchouckball. Sort of.

A quick game of Splat enabled everyone to cool down before another old friend returned in the shape of Cladwhacking. This is a game that divides the Silly Army – you either love it or hate it. But many of the newer members gave it a go and got stuck in whacking each other with foam tubes. This time, it was the blues who were victorious.

Monkey Toss was next, again popular with those who hadn’t played it before, and becoming a real old favourite. Ras’s taunting monkey waving always entertains, and some clever diversion techniques by Pete’s team meant they were the top tossers.

Up for more running around, we played Tchouckball, a tough game as numbers were starting to drop off. The yellow team proved most successful at working the pitch, with particular skill from Terminator.

Once again we wrapped up with more Big Tennis before heading home for dinner.

The Silly Army meets every Sunday in King’s Park from 1pm. Come and join us!

Space hopper 100m – close, but no cigar

On Saturday 18 September, a Silly Army delegation enjoyed a day out at Fit Christchurch. While there they attempted to break the World Record for 100m on a space hopper, and invited members of the public to give it a try too.

Pete prepares his inflatable friends for the day ahead.

Throughout the day several members, and hundreds of members of the public young and old, bounced along the 100m track, accompanied by Silly Army foot patrol sprinting (in some cases backwards) to time and film the record attempts.

Steph and Pete proved they were the best bouncers, Steph just a second off the record time of 30.2 seconds and Pete a few points of a second later in their best runs – time to get into training; if they hop everywhere for the next year they’ll smash the record no problem. Now may be the time to gloss over the fact that on what was probably their best time (and quite possibly a world record breaker) not only did K and Alex manage to mess up their ‘synchronised’ timers, but cameraman Alan also missed the start of the filming…

So the Silly Army were close, but no cigar to the 100 metre world record. We will all be in serious training for our next attempt, even if some of us are just learning how to use a stopwatch.

The camera crew prime themselves for action, though they're missing one vital ingredient...

The space hoppers put in an appearance at Sunday games, although anyone who had been to Fit Christchurch was not in the mood for much bouncing.

Sunday also saw The Silly Army moving into their new home at the far side of the park (after being told off for wearing out the football pitches!). Hammering in the goal posts, we were pleased to discover this rocky outpost was just as full of stone and strange lumps of metal as the rest of the park – so we soon felt at home. There is also a large pile of woodchips next to our new pitch, which gives a fresh, pine scent to the whole area and provides a great landmark to point members towards. Although it was quite entertaining watching Sam driving round in circles for ten minutes trying to find us…

We started games, as ever, with Big Tennis, where dynamic Karen proved a real asset to Steph’s team, propelling them to a resounding victory despite being recruited half way through the game. However, changing ends proved this team’s undoing, allowing Pete’s team to take the second game. Unusually for The Silly Army, we agreed to draw because there were now increasing numbers of people and it was time to play a runaround.

A large queue of record attempters quickly formed.

There then ensued the longest game of Hockey in Silly Army history (perhaps we should try a world record attempt at that…)

As more and more players came to join us, we had to extend the pitch to accommodate them all. Pete and K had laid a short, fat pitch, which meant there was a lot of midfield battling but not many goals. We stopped to extend the pitch, skilfully avoiding a fox egg that was now millimetres from the yellow goal, and played on.

The yellow team went ahead by two goals, but despite protestation from the reds that the sides weren’t evenly matched, Karen got two goals back to make things even.

The yellows scored another, while Dave for the reds kept pressuring the yellow goal. Even more players turned up and for a long time the action was contained in the newly extended midfield. About an hour into the game, Pete abandoned his yellow defensive position to go and lay out a Dodgeball pitch, in the hope that someone would score soon. However, he returned to position just at the right time to prevent a sneaky red attack.

Eventually, Dave and Pete decided that the “next goal wins” rule would apply – perhaps a little unfairly on the yellows, who were a goal up at the time. K in the yellow goal was not going to let anything through and at last the yellows scored the winner. After more than an hour of playing, all the players should take credit for a hard-fought, evenly matched game.

Christchurch: Where hoppers go to die. We suffered several casualties in the field.

It was time for something more sedate, and the Dodgeball circle that had been laid out earlier came in useful. Pete unveiled his new balls – one pink, one purple, both with silly slogans written on them and the purple one prone to deflating. Double Dodge was the order of the day and much squealing, jumping around and artful dodging ensued.

With so many players it was decided to play another runaround, and Stickyball was the order of the day. The yellows won the first game before Karen defected to the blues, helping in no small way to their victory in the second game. Many of the new players were particularly good at this game – it’s a shame our best new catcher was visiting from Scotland!

Both teams fought hard in the deciding game, but it was the blues who snatched it.

After tea break, it was time to mount hoppers once more (after we’d blown the accursed things up!) Space Hopper Polo was the name of the game, but being full of tea and biscuits and with the best hopperers still hoppered out from Fit Christchurch, it was going to be a short game.

Dave won something in the raffle. We didn't realise it was a Silly Army personal shopper...

In fact, it was a one-goal wonder, and it was the blues that scored that all-important point, much to the chagrin of Karl on the yellow team, the only player with enough bounce to play on.

After that exertion there was enough time for a quick game of Splat, the shooting game, in which K and Pete managed to draw as losers by shooting each other at exactly the same time in the final duel. Then there was just enough time to play more Big Tennis as the numbers began to dwindle before it was time to pack up and head home for another week.

Silly Army compact

Alex gives the ball a good whack - trying to avoid the trees this time.

With the football season now well underway and the Boscombe Community Fair pulling in the punters, the Silly Army found themselves pressed for space in King’s Park last Sunday. However, there’s nothing the Sillies like more than a challenge and it was up to Pete, Dave and K to rapidly adapt their gameplan to fit the space available. Let’s just hope some of the doom mongers who deem King’s Park an ‘under-used space’ were out to see just how many people were out enjoying the park and the sunshine this weekend…

So it was that the Silly Army set up their games along the narrow edge of the park, beneath the trees. After laying out a long, thin hockey pitch there was a great new game for one of the members – Dog Egg Hunt. All the fun of an Easter egg hunt with less chocolate and more dog toffee, which was lovingly gathered using plastic bags and disposable gloves and deposited in the bin to ensure none of the players had an unpleasant, stinky experience. Dog owners of King’s Park take note: it really is that easy, not to mention much more fun if you clean up after your own dog. It certainly drew some curious looks from new members to be welcomed by a woman with a plastic bag of dog’s eggs.

As is rapidly becoming a Silly Army tradition, first game proper was Big Tennis. With Score Machine Helen sidelined for a few weeks, nobody was sure how we’d keep the score and there was the fear that we could just keep playing forever. However, between them and on opposing teams for fairness, K and Pete established that they could, just about, count to 21 (if they used all their fingers and one of their toes).

But early on it seemed we might not be scoring at all as a predictably vicious Terminator serve was thwarted by the location when the big tennis ball got stuck up a tree.

Cue another new game – Racquet Toss. The whole of the Silly Army lined up and threw their racquets towards the branches in the hope that the nice tree would give us our ball back. But the tree was not quick to bear fruit, and Barry further complicated matters when his racquet got stuck in the branches too.

Pete prepares one of his killer chip shots.

Eventually, in a hail of racquets, both ball and racquet were detatched and the game could continue. Pete’s team won one game and K’s the other before they abandoned counting and moved on to play hockey.

More members were joining now and hockey was proving interesting on a long, narrow pitch. Often there would be an invasion of footballers getting their ball back; just as frequently we had to retrieve our ball from their pitch.

A long game ensued as the ball frequently went out of play. However Pete’s team took the lead and it was decided halfway through to switch ends, as Terminator’s team were constantly playing uphill. Despite the change of ends it was Pete’s team who hammered more balls home to be the first to five.

After some Dodgeball, where many of our new members proved very adept at dodging, it was time to play Sticky Ball, again using the long, narrow pitch. Again a lot of the newcomers proved natural and again we missed Helen, Sticky Ball top scorer.

This was another long game and for once ended in an amicable draw, yellows winning the first game and blues the second. Then it was decided to break for tea.

Refreshed, the Sillies were able to spread out later in the afternoon and play Combi-Ball, which has been a missing fixture for some time. Dave, Pete and Termy are among the best scorers at this game and new members Mike and Harry showed some great football skills.

The blue team started slowly but were able to launch a bit of a comeback mission; however, the yellows took a comfortable victory.

Richard found the whole Tchoukball match fascinating!

Another game that’s been missing from our repetoire for a while is Tchoukball and that made a comeback next, both the blues and yellows playing equally well, although many of the old faithful had forgotten the rules. Without having exclusion zones the game was a little harder than many remembered, but it was tightly played and taken quickly to 4-4. As we were playing to five points everyone battled for the last goal and Chris excelled for the blue team to claim victory.

Following another brief tea stop, where Karl, Colin, Barry and K attempted to battle the wind and play frisbee, it was time for old favourite Monkey Toss. Steph, who had joined us late, is one of the best at this game and it was her team that got the most monkeys on the board.

There was time for a little more Big Tennis before it was time to pack up and head home for another week.

It was great to see so many new faces joining us; we hope you’ll come back for more!

This Saturday, a Silly Army delegation will be at Fit Christchurch hosting the attempt to break the Guinness World Record for 100m on a space hopper. We will be at The Quomps on Christchurch Quay from 10am to 4pm – come along and join us and give the record a go yourself.

On Sunday we will be back in the park for regular Silly Army games. We will be a little further over the field this time – past the football pitches, which have fixtures all season. Come along and join us from 1pm.

Tennis shots (C) Karen

Uphill struggle – Silly Army at Blackbushe Pedal Car race

Helen in action in Doris.

A Silly Army batallion made journey into the great unknown, otherwise known as Berkshire, last weekend to compete in the Blackbushe Pedal Car race.

On Friday evening three intrepid travellers, Rich, K and Pete, supported by a couple of monkeys, squeezed themselves and the pedal car into Pete’s magic vehicle Sweetpea and headed in the direction of Blackbushe.

It’s amazing how much one little car can carry and equally amazing how much stuff the three thought they needed for two nights of camping and two days of furious pedalling. Still, after getting caught in the rain during our last camping adventure, we weren’t taking any chances and brought equipment for every occasion.

First challenge of the day was getting everything to fit in the car, which me managed admirably. All packed and ready to go we headed Berkshirewards. We were somewhat alarmed by the sudden decision of the driver to stop, announce “I have a job to do!” and promptly disappear under the bonnet – especially as we just assumed he was going for a wee. He emerged seconds later with a couple of springs in his hands, evidently not vital to Sweetpea’s running as we managed to reach Farmborough without anything falling off.

The Silly Army don't have tanks - just double decker vehicles.

Finding the campsite proved a little tricky but excellent navigation skills meant we too just one wrong turn on a rather strange roundabout. We arrived at a scout centre, spied another pedal car parked outside and new we were in the right place.

The camping venue was amazing, and we had our own boutique suite among the trees where we set up camp and put Mrs Doyle to work making sausages, mushrooms and the ubiquitous tea for dinner. Thanks to some foresight we had brought some camping stoves this time, making the whole field kitchen experience a lot quicker and more pleasurable.

Saturday morning came and after more nosh we set off to find the circuit, and Helen, who had driven down at the crack of dawn.

Pete’s professional driver instincts kicked in and, despite suggestions from his fellow travellers that maybe, perhaps, just possibly following the car in front with a pedal car on its roof might be the best way to find the circuit, he opted for the optional detour, taking in great views of Farnborough airport and the M3. After a considerable time spent going round in circles (perhaps in preparation for the race) we found the circuit, and Helen who had just arrived.

Pete has a Chameleon in his slip stream.

We pitched up next to French team Chameleon and set about unloading Doris the pedal car and pitching day camp.

Observing the other racers it was quickly established there were few other entrants in the Gentleman’s Tourer category. The speedy machines of Apollo, Swebelli and others were in a slightly different class from Team Silly.

Unfortunately the Gentleman’s Tourer class has yet to be officially recognised; more unfortunately still Pete and Richard didn’t make very convincing women, so we couldn’t enter the ladies only class either. However, we were there to enjoy ourselves and as soon as we got out on to the circuit for some practices, it was clear it was going to be a fun day.

Doris was most probably the heaviest car there but that didn’t stop the Silly team enjoying themselves. On a scorching day, we had the foresight to bring a lot of water with us – we were going to need it.

First up were four 45 minute sprint races, where Helen was particularly impressive, recording consistent times over and over again. This put her in great steed for the final race of the day, the three hour endurance.

Richard in action.

Despite Doris’s weight and lack of upper gearing, we still managed to compete with some of the other heavier cars and finished 16th on the day – not a bad effort, especially as K and Helen were pedal car virgins.

Doris, however, suffered some serious spoke damage to her back wheel and this meant we had to rethink our plans of racing two cars between five competitors on the second day.

After packing up Helen headed back to Bournemouth while K, Rich and Pete went back to camp to unload the pedal car before setting out on another mission – operation chips.

Finding a decent chip shop in North Camp, we sat round the fire discussing plans for Sunday, a five hour endurance race. Alan and Steph were set to join us the next day and unfortunately couldn’t magic up a spare wheel for Doris at such short notice.

However, Steph was bringing her speedy Squeelz on Wheels car and we decided we’d chose the team by tossing a coin.

In the lead - woo, yeah!

On Sunday we packed up camp and found the circuit more easily. The weather was looking rather more grim and it was decided by the toss of a coin that K, not Pete, would complete the second day’s line-up. Pete was able to record our lap times and give us a good talking to if we were going too slowly.

The challenge for the faster racers was to complete the circuit in less than a minute and the gauntlet was accepted by Alan, who whizzed around in an amazing 59.8 seconds.

Best times for the rest were: Steph 103.3; Richard 102.5; K 1.11 – an impressive effort by all. There may have been faster times but our official recorder was lured by the call of chocolate and LEGO at the neighbouring market, then roped in to help in the lap counting booth.

Steph lines up for scrutineering, with a bit of ad-hoc weatherproofing!

Though the first hour and a half of racing seemed to go on for ever, when the team got into their rhythm the time flew by. Reports from the lap counter let us know which cars to chase down, and we were embroiled in a fun, friendly but competitive battle with our neighbours, the lovely Chameleon team.

A final push helped us leap up the ranks for a comfortable midtable position of 9th. With a lighter car it was great to be more competitive on the second day.

Thanks to everyone at Blackbushe for making us feel welcome and for a great weekend’s racing! We’ll be back with Doris, or perhaps a new car, when we’ve found a wheelchair to steel a wheel from…

Alan chases down our nearest rivals, Chameleon.

Reports from Dave back at the park, where he ran a mini games session, saw an unfortunate injury to the Score Machine Helen after slipping during volleyball (get well soon, we don’t know the score without you!) and some new faces who proved naturals.

Wednesday saw the last weekday games of the year, until we can find a sports hall. Still somewhat cack-handed K and Steph gave Pete and new recruit Mike a good run for their money at Big Tennis.

Hockey saw a yellow team victory after the reds made a good fight back from being 5-1 down, while Sticky Ball was another yellow team whitewash, the blues being outjumped, outmanouvered and out stuck at every opportunity.

We tried some more Big Tennis but by then the invasion of the midges had started, so it was time to pack up Wednesday sessions for another year.

Steph keeps smiling all through the five hour race!

The Silly Army will still be playing sports and games in King’s Park every Sunday from 1pm, come along and join us, and click on the link above for directions.

We’ll also be at Fit Christchurch next Saturday, attempting to break the Space Hopper 100m World Record. Come along and give it a try yourself!

*Official Blackbushe results hadn’t been published at time of writing.

The Silly Army – back in the park (and a whack in the back!)

The Silly Army were back in the park at last on Sunday, following a few weather and event enforced absences. For some, it had clearly been too long away, as legs, bottoms and various other body parts were mysteriously mistaken for hockey balls by certain players…

Giles shows how you're meant to play hockey - whacking the ball, not each other!

It was great to welcome some new members who had heard about the Sillies through the Bournemouth Echo. We quickly tempted them to join in with a game of Big Tennis (everyone’s favourite game right now) and they were so good we think they must be Big Tennis pros in disguise.

Steph and K both elected to play this game left-handed due to injuries, though both hoped not to injure their one remaining good arm. The ‘Kack-Handed Duo’, as they quickly branded themselves, were both on the same side and formed a great wonky armed allegiance, which turned out to be a winning formula in the first game. They came from several points down to win the first game. Terminator’s team were more successful in the rematch.

By now we had enough players to enjoy a run around game, so opted for Hockey. That was the cue for the rain gods to open the heavens upon us, and late arrival Lisa very wisely stayed in the car until the rain had stopped while the rest of us ran around getting wet. Lisa’s arrival was all that was needed to spur the red team into action, for no sooner had she set foot on the pitch than the reds had scored.

The yellows soon got one back, a wet ball and continued finger injuries making goal keeping rather tricky. Helen arrived to join the yellows, battling hard as always. However, we fear she may need to take a trip to SpecSavers as she mistook Dave’s leg and Pete’s thigh for the ball… Either that or she was just taking the excuse to give them a whack, and quite frankly, who wouldn’t? Whichever it was this was the cause of much hilarity, and thankfully both our esteemed leaders are thick skinned. K took a similar approach in the red goal, whacking Greg instead of the ball to concede a point.

It was the red team who were most on fire and they took victory. Pete decided we should only play to five points, probably so nobody else hit him with a hockey stick.

Dodgeball - a gentler game with silly poses.

Next up was a quieter game of Dodgeball, which our new players again proved good at. Then it was time to bib up for Stickyball and unfortunately for the blue team this was another yellow team massacre. Good passing and communication in the yellow team might be the secret, along with some excellent marking and players who can really jump.

Wet balls meant sticking was a bit of an issue for both teams, though the blues’ claim that their top goal wasn’t sticky was poo-pooed somewhat when the teams changed ends.

After Sticky Ball it was time for some tossing and Monkey Toss was the order of the day. Steph and K were named team captains and chose their favourite tossers. We went back to the running approach in lieu of the mincing we tried a few weeks ago, and with three runners it was hard to get monkeys through let alone toss them.

K’s team’s tossing was woefully off target, not helped at all by the wind, while Steph managed some very artistic monkey positioning. Team K came close to forcing a draw but it was Steph’s squad of top tossers who won the day.

Tossers.

Pete has been building strange metal things again, this time high, brightly coloured netball style goals with hoops on both sides. We are inventing a game provisionally called B’stard Ball, in which you will have a ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ goal at each end. However, for this week, to practice using the nets we played a netball style game.

Helen was by far man of the match, with excellent shooting skills that were rarely off target. Pete’s team went for too many big point shots outside the exclusion zone early on, and also suffered from playing into the sunlight. Mimi and K made some good moves down the wing and Greg was the sharpest shooter for Pete’s team, but Helen’s side also had Kev, a midfield dynamo who seems able to intercept just about every shot going. Pete’s side did battle back valiantly, even with their captain off the pitch tackling children who were trying to steal our monkeys, but Helen’s shooting skills could not be bested.

After a tea break, we split into two groups – K and the boys played Missile Command, where Pete’s team excelled, while Lisa and Helen led the rest of the group in more Big Tennis.

As numbers began to dwindle when people’s tummies started rumbling for dinner, we all ended up on the Big Tennis court. The dynamic duos of Mimi and Terminator and Barry and Dave played the last game of the day, Mimi and Terminator claiming victory.

Pedal Car Alan and the rest of the team will be in action at Blackbushe Pedal Car race.

While the rest of us packed up, Mimi and Dave were left behind in the park with a volleyball to play basketball with – there’s no stopping the Silly Army when they get started!

The Silly Army members Pete, K, Helen, Rich, Alan and Steph are away at the Blackbushe Pedal Car championships this weekend – wish us luck! However, Dave will be running the regular session in King’s Park from 1pm on Sunday, so come along and play with him!

The Silly Army go wild and camp it up!

Dave relaxes with his massive pole in the Officers' Mess.

On the coldest, wettest, drizliest weekend of the year, a few hard (or foolhardy) Silly Army members set off on an epic journey to Steeple Leaze for a few days camping it up.

We assembled with far more junk stuff precious things than we had car space for and had to ratchet up the roof rack just to carry all our belongings. Then it was off into the wilds of Dorset with only about 25,000 mushrooms and some veggie sausages to sustain us.

The Silly Delegation of Dave, Pete, K, Mimi, Rich, Karl and Barry arrived at Steeple Leaze about 7.30pm and promptly set about establishing Camp Silly.

Eschewing the quite frankly sensible suggestion to camp at the bottom of the hill near the taps, our Officers led the charge up a sharp escarpment to position us on the sloping hillside – perfect to pitch a tent. Only the mocking bleats of the sheep who knew better could be heard as instant entertainment was provided courtesy of ‘Kamikaze’ Karl and ‘Bouncing Bomb’ Barry attempting to drive up the hill only to hurtle at some speed backwards towards a row of tents and the fence.

Much entertainment was had watching Karl trying to drive up the hill.

Luckily, the application of the handbrake succeeded where the footbrake failed – we didn’t want to be two troops down before we’d even begun.

Excitement over, we began to pitch tents and get a fire going, thanks to the massive wood the wise and absent officer Lisa gave Pete earlier that day. Rich quickly proved his dragon credentials by getting the fire going, largely due to a lot of blowing.

We pitched our tents, or in Karl’s case built our mansion, erected a tarpaulin lounge area with the help of Sweetpea (the car) and eventually Mrs Doyle got the kettle and the dinner on – veggie sausage butties all round.

The mushrooms were already in the midst of a mutiny, taking over pretty much any and every container they could conceal themselves in and surprising Mrs Doyle by loitering in the teabags.

The Sillies relax in the mess.

While the Officer class took to their sofa, the troops made do with planks of wood to sit on, meaning there was an outbreak of NumbBum in the ranks.

Further entertainment, in the form of Dave singing Kate Bush, rallied the troops however and a jolly evening of rubbish conversation was had despite the continual drizzle.

At 11pm a brave delegation of Officers, Pete, Dave and K, took a walk in the dark to locate the sinks and the toilet block. Despite carrying torches most of this yomp took place without lights and quickly proved the Officers have bugger all night vision, as frequent attempts to walk into hedges and fences went to show.

Returning to Camp Silly, Dave and Pete steamed by the fire while K texted back to civilisation, or Helen at least, with requests for supplies when she arrived the next day. These requests ranged from Emergency Chocolate to a bottle of whisky, and any Terry except Christian or Wogan.

Pete looking hot - or displaying a desire to be a tramp. You decide.

More general blethering kept us entertained for a matter of minutes before the decision was made to retire to bed.

Dawn broke on Saturday morning and everyone awoke from a glorious night’s sleep refreshed, joy-filled and raring to go, Ah, no, sorry, that’s a lie. Everyone got up stiff, grumpy and with wet socks, raring for breakfast.

After about an hour and a half of trying, Karl got the small fire started so it was time to put the kettle on for tea, just for a change. Terminator entertained while the tea was brewing, reading us extracts from a book about sex like a fecked-up version of Jackanory.

Thanks to Rich’s continued fire-breathing prowess the big fire was soon on too and it was time to make breakfast. The multitude of mushrooms and several veggie sausages cooked remarkably quickly on the grill and the troops were well fed.

Saturday morning - time for a spot of jousting.

There then followed the entertainment of washing up while the gang attempted a few games, including Tent Pole Jousting and Steeple Ball (an entirely new invention) using only the items they could find around them. When the camp next door wisely moved out, there was further fun to be had by Rock Carrying, although this may have limited appeal as a serious Silly Army game.

Barry, clearly not satisfied with the cuisine, attempted to spear Pete’s eye out with his jousting pole for brunch, while Karl tried and failed at the noble sport of tray surfing. Much more entertaining was the chance to watch him again struggle to get his car up the hill – a little more success was had this time, at least he didn’t go hurtling backwards on a suicide mission (or at least not too far).

Dave, Paper, Monkey. Who said our leadership is easily amused?

Dave indulged in a traditional spot of monkey abuse with the unfortunate Silenco and the car monkeys his victims, and was alarmingly amused by a piece of paper. Don’t say we don’t know how to have a good time!

While waiting for Helen to arrive with supplies we enjoyed/endured a bimble up an incredibly slippery hill, only to find ourselves in another field. A strange occurrence indeed in the countryside…

The mist was setting in but, like an intrepid group of post-Apocalyptic survivors, The Sillies struggled on to see what we could discover, and to find the sea.

Pointing was the highlight of this adventure, to be carried out several times during the bimble and repeatedly throughout the day. The Pointing Plague is spreading through the Silly Army at a rate of knots and it is feared soon all we’ll do in King’s Park is point at things.

Pointers!

The mist so thick we had no chance of finding the sea, we did discover a military firing range but unfortunately failed to get shot. On the way back to Camp Silly we came across a Pete cage, which sadly nobody knew how to lock, and K held a meaningful conversation with a field of sheep. Then it was time to stumble back down the hill, in a less slippy but equally treacherous location, almost losing Officer Dave to a hole.

Come the afternoon Officer Pete retired to the mess to sleep on the sofa while the rest of us washed up, organised the tea shop and played more games. Helen arrived just in time to help K carry the water back to the camp and top us up with vital supplies of hummus, wine, ratatouille, Emergency Chocolate and more veggie sausages.

"I say, is this the Gents'?"

Officer Pete woke with an unusually sunny disposition and got right into the spirit of things by packing up his tent and announcing his intentions to piss off, earning him his new nickname of Pop – Piss Off Pete.

The rest of us took a second yomp across the hills, this time with much more success as we discovered a tea shop. Mimi was left in charge at the camp and did a sterling job of resurrecting the mess and washing all the dishes.

A delegation of Helen, Barry and Termy headed off on another supply run to the local shop and on their return Rich got the fire going for dinner. More veggie sausages, veggie burgers, hummus, veg and mushrooms made for a delicious meal before the alcohol was cracked open, and it didn’t take long for the caterwauling singing cat strangling to start.

Piss Off Pete prepares to piss off.

Karl displayed an amazing knowledge of all the songs from Labyrinth while Helen and Mimi’s knowledge of show tunes is something quite remarkable. Dave and K made an unsuccessful attempt at escape before the long awaited Werewolves game was cracked open.

By now the drink was flowing freely and Terminator and Karl simultaneously turned into Eric Cartman. While the Cartman Twins blethered continually about God Damn Hippies, the rest of us tried to listen to Helen explaining Werewolves.

After two false starts we got the game going, but successfully messed it up again near the end. Then it was time to play I Have Never… Which didn’t really work in a tent. Neither did Spin the Bottle, as we were sitting on a slope the bottle was always pointing at Cartman Karl.

A pair of Cartmans. Or is it Cartmen?

There was just time for Dave and K to have a light saber torch fight before a South African camp invasion told us to shut up – once again it was time to retire to our tents.

Come the morning some were itching to play while others were keen to get on the road. We packed up, struggling without the roof rack, donated our wood to nearby campers and headed back on the road to Bournemouth.

Due to the wet weather and all the regulars being knackered, only the hardcore Pete and K turned up at the park and after half an hour watching the rain decided to abandon ship.

Argh, Sunday morning pointers!

Wednesday’s games also fell victim to the weather, sparking rumours that Dave had pissed off the Monkey Gods…

The happy campers have now just about dried off. Here’s to the next adventure, for the pedal car team at Blackbushe next weekend. It’s sure to be another ‘intents’ experience…

More pictures from our adventure…

The Silly Army version of Blind Date is yet to catch on...

Zzzzzzzzzz...

Tray surfing rocks.

"Happy face? This is my happy face!"

"What do you mean camping's driven me mad?"

We LOVE camping.

Everyone was pleased to see this - the back of Pete.

Silly Army 15 August

Better late than never… The Silly Army enjoyed another sunblushed games session on Sunday 15 August, tempered by the fact that nobody remembered to bring the tea.

Big Tennis has proved the success story of the summer, becoming just about everyone’s favourite game. It just goes to show how much fun can be had with a high net, old tennis racquets and some giant yellow balls. Popular on Wednesday nights, the game is becoming increasingly prevalent on Sundays too, often being played at the start and end of Silly Army sessions.

So it was with Big Tennis we kicked off (or batted off? Whacked off?!) on Sunday 15 August. Whether it’s the passing, the large balls or the grunting that makes this game quite so popular nobody knows, although it’s suspected to be a combination of all three. There is certainly nothing else so guaranteed to send Helen into fits of hysterics, and nowhere else Chris would get away with shouting “Show us your grunt!”

Three games in and it was Pete’s team who proved the most adept at handling the big balls.

As it was hot and sunny, the silliest thing to do would be to run around. So that’s exactly what we did, with a hard-fought (some might say finger-breaking…) game of Hockey. The red and yellow teams were quite evenly matched but Karen B’s technique of limping around by the red goal, distracting the goalie then whacking in shots, proved rather effective – rather more effective than Reece shooting into his own goal for the reds! So it was the yellows that were the first to ten points and thus the wieners of the week.

Dodgeball was up next and despite the wind the Sillies played so hard they burst the dodgeball – another successful ‘cleaning out the garage’ mission complete. Someone should really start checking the length of Pete’s fingernails.

An old favourite, Sticky Ball, followed and the blue team continued its impressive losing streak. The amazing comback from being 2-0 down to win 3-2 was clearly just a glitch in the otherwise well-oiled Bluesers machine. With Sticky Ball pros such as Steph and Helen against you, it’s always going to be a tough game.

Next up it was time to get the strange new bats out, lovingly crafted from pipe and netting by Dave, Pete, Steph and K and quickly destroyed by the Sillies’ vigorous play. The game, of course, was Impossiball, which few people understand and fewer seem able to score at. Still, the unpredictability of where the ball will go (if you can even pick it up) and the crazy runaround nature of the game is exactly what Silly Army is about and we had much fun not scoring.

Particular kudos goes to Terminator, who was playing with the prototype larger netted bat, and managed to catch the ball between two bits of netting. The natural decision of how to proceed was to whack the ball out again.

This was a game where the blues, eventually, excelled, and we’ve managed to get a few rules nailed at last to make Impossiball a little more playable.

A question on many of our lips most of the time: Who are the best tossers in Silly Army? The strategic challenge and monkey chucking game Monkey Toss was up next and this week it was proved to be Dave’s team who were Top Tossers, despite Pete’s team acquiring an extra player midway through the match. At least most of Dave’s team’s success has to be attributed to the fact that, with Karen B carrying an injury, we decided that instead of running in this game we’d mince. Despite Pete’s best efforts as a Benny Hill body double, Dave’s mincing excelled all previously set standards and so it was his team claimed victory.

Dave was on a winning streak and, after some painfully misplaced sticks (naming no names except Terminator) Team Dave captured the castle and won Kubb too.

There was time for some Bouncing Volleyball, although by now K’s broken finger was making its presence felt. With double injuries for K and Karen B, it was no surprise that Pete’s team won.

All too soon it was time to pack up and go home/to A&E for another week.

The following Wednesday session saw the best turnout of players all summer. Let’s hope the weather and shortening days allow us a few more midweek games sessions before autumn truly sets in.

Come and join The Silly Army in King’s Park from 1pm this Sunday. Click here for directions.

Ahoy there, captain – Silly Army contemplate their navals

Move over, speed boat - a proper vessel enters the shipping lane.

The Silly Army, or at least certain elements that shall remain nameless *cough*Pete*cough* have achieved legendary status for contemplating their navels. Last Sunday, however, there was a slight change of vowel and temporary change of Silly Forces, as for one week only the Silly Army became the Silly Navy.

Under the charge of Captain Glorious B’Stardo, the good ship Monkey Trumpet took to the waters around Mudeford for the Mudeford Lifeboat Fun Day.

Before the luxury liner could take to the water, however, there was the small matter of building it. Captain Glorious B’Stardo had been studying Nelson’s fleet and decided the best design for a raft-race winning vessel was a barrel and plank affair.

Captain B’Stardo and his glamourless assistant, Able Seaman Mrs Doyle, turned up at the quay early in the morning heavy laden with raft pieces. After recovering from double heart attacks at the price of parking, they set about constructing the raft.

Able Seaman Aussie Alex prepares to spank the Monkey Trumpet Captain, earning instant promotion.

One thing they quickly noticed was the other teams slowly arriving had opted to forgo this ‘fun’, team building, team bonding exercise (the phrases ‘bloody women!’ ‘what the feck have you done to this?’ and ‘give me a cigarette so I can burn his eyes out’ were definitely not uttered by our team during raft construction…) by bringing boats rafts nope, they were definitely boats, ready assembled to the quay.

Able Seamen Rakeman, ‘Aussie’ Alex and Jeremy Clarkson joined the construction effort, and we’re pleased to announce that gender equality is high on the list of Silly Navy priorities as it was left to the woman in a swimming costume to crawl around under the raft to secure the ropes.

The rest of the crew, Able Seamen Karen, Lex, Helen and Gary joined later in the morning and it was soon time to get into costume.

The Silly Navy’s theme was, of course, a chimp’s tea party, and we boarded the raft with chimp masks, tea, biscuits, picnic baskets and bottles of fizz.

It came from the sea, it came bearing tea... Captain Glorious B'Stardo brings the gift of tea to the natives of Mudeford.

Once the raft was constructed and the crew appropriately dressed (particular costume kudos must go to our honourable Captain, who looked dashingly splendid and every inch the proper sea captain) it was time to take to the water, lining up to be towed around to the starting position.

The Good Ship Monkey Trumpet was given the lucky number 7 and as an odd number – and odder crew – was in the first heat. This was of course the most appropriate time for Clarkson to slip off for a coffee, running back through the water just in time to join the ship, with sausage rolls and paper cup of drink in hand.

If we learned one thing that day, it was not to put a paper cup of coffee down on a moving raft. If we learned one other thing it was not to cross the path of an enemy vessel armed with water bombs and crewed by people in Hawaiian shirts. We came under fire but revenge was to be sweet – for once we moored the Monkey Trumpet at the start line, between the enemy vessel and a boat crewed by giant penguins, we unleashed the secret weapon – tea.

Dressed like a proper English tea party, the Monkey Trumpet crew approached various enemy on foot with the pretence of offering cups of tea. However, the cups were filled with sea water, soon to be dashed in the faces of the foe – don’t ever say tea drinking mad people don’t know how to fight dirty.

When the race got under way, much proper tea drinking and not a lot of rowing ensured a glorious last position. However, we were already winning over the crowd – our nonchalant tea drinking, Clarkson’s dramatic singing and the Captain’s penchant for abandoning ship soon made us the public’s favourite (if only this were a TV talent show we’d have won…)

...But the natives weren't friendly, so Captain B'Stardo hurried back to the ship.

The Monkey Trumpet was towed back just in time to enter the second heat, intended for even numbers but which nobody seemed to object to us being in, particularly the crowd who cheered us on.

Captain Glorious B’Stardo made the brave decision to cross the crocodile infested waters and deposit the tea shop on the shore so that we could enjoy a tea dance in the second race. Another lesson learned: never dance with a salty old seadog like Captain B’Stardo – you will only end up in the drink.

Towed back once more, we made the late decision to enter the final despite not qualifying and the Monkey Trumpet sailed one last time, although Clarkson had by now abandoned ship and entertained the crowd some more by limboing through the railings to bravely face the Mudeford natives.

Then it was time for the ship to be dismantled and the crew to return to dry land. And for Gary and Glorious Pete B’Stardo to get changed in the car park.

We raised about £130 in total for the RNLI, a worthy cause. Thanks to the organisers of the fun day, which was a grand day out.

Every ship needs a wench. The Monkey Trumpet had Gary.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the raft effort on the day or during practices – Alex, Helen, Dave, Karen, Lex, Gary, Mimi, Steph, Esther, Terminator and Lee.

Special thanks to Pete for all the sawing, drilling, nailing, storage of transportation of the Monkey Trumpet – the raft race may be over but rest assured, we will always call you B’Stardo.

The Silly Army are back in the park this Saturday (one week only before reverting back to Sundays) and are in the Bournemouth Carnival on Sunday. Come, join us!

Picture credit – All pictures copyright Steph Mills.

Caption Competition: Caption this Silly Army pic…

Steph took some fabulous pictures at the Mudeford Lifeboat Funday Raft Race. Here’s one for our caption competition… Please give us some captions for this! Just leave a comment with your caption.